


Friendly Fire

by Donovanspen



Series: Don't Push Me Away [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Caring Magnus Bane, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Supportive Magnus Bane, Upset Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: Magnus is disheartened when Alec is reluctant to talk to him after a nightmare.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Don't Push Me Away [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747138
Comments: 5
Kudos: 162





	Friendly Fire

**Author's Note:**

> I always thought Alec was very open with Magnus once he decided to be with him. I wanted to explore the possibility that Alec may have struggled with letting his guard down and letting Magnus see some of those vulnerable moments.
> 
> This one takes place after the bodyswap with Valentine but before break-up.

Magnus didn’t consider himself someone who startled easily, but the night Alec screamed them awake, he had illuminated the room and thrown up a protective barrier before he was fully lucid. His immediate reaction to Alec’s distress only agitated Alec more, and it took several seconds for Magnus to realize that there was no immediate threat. Alec was simply having a nightmare. Granted, it was a terrible one as Alec had never reacted this way before.

His boyfriend was standing beside the bed and on the verge of hyperventilating as his eyes assessed their bedroom for any form of a threat. He looked as if he was still struggling to sort out his dreams with reality.

“Alexander.” Magnus called out to him. He was still sitting on his side of the bed. He didn’t want to upset Alec any more than he already was, so he stayed back a bit. “Sweetheart, it was just a dream. We’re safe.” He waved his hand and took down the protective shield. “I didn’t realize you were dreaming and just reacted. Everything is fine. Nothing has breached my wards.”

Alec finally looked at him for a second before his face just crumpled into the saddest expression Magnus had ever seen. He made a move towards him, but Alec mumbled something about needing the bathroom and all but bolted from the room. He resisted the urge to follow him. Both of them had their fair share of nightmares, but Alec had never behaved this way. Usually, all either of the would need would be reassuring words and cuddles.

He propped his pillows up against the headboard and waited. It wasn’t easy waiting when he knew Alec was upset, but he would try to respect his wishes. It was another ten minutes before Alec stepped out of the bathroom.

“I didn’t mean to keep you up. Go back to sleep. I’m going to make some tea, maybe read a little.” Alec grabbed the black silk robe that Magnus had gifted to him and pulled it on.

Magnus noted the red eyes and raspy voice. The thought of Alec hiding his tears made him want to pull him into his arms and hold him until the pain faded. “May I join you?”

“You don’t have to. I’m all right.”

“Would you tell me if you weren’t?” Magnus asked.

“It was just a dream.”

Alec’s reaction had made it clear that it had been more than just a dream but pushing Alec to talk about it didn’t seem right. But neither did allowing his boyfriend to bottle up and hide his feelings. “I love you. I know something’s wrong. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.” He could see that Alec recognized his own words by the way he tensed up. He stopped short of pressuring Alec into talking, but he hoped his words would encourage him to do so.

Alec came over and sat on the side of the bed. “I don’t think talking about it will help.”

“Ok. I would still like to have that tea with you if you don’t mind. You don’t have to talk, but I don’t want you up all alone.”

Alec closed his eyes. “I didn’t stop,” he whispered.

Magnus was silent. He wasn’t sure what Alec meant but now that Alec was talking, he didn’t want to interrupt.

“I didn’t stop. I didn’t believe you, and I didn’t stop.” He kept his body angled away from Magnus and made no attempt to look at him.

“Didn’t stop what?” He didn’t understand, but his tone coupled with the earlier crying worried him.

“When Azazel switched you with Valentine. I didn’t believe you, and I didn’t stop it. I lost you, and it was all my fault.” His voice cracked on the last word.

He was at a loss. Truly that had been a difficult time for both of them, but he thought they had moved past it, that they had healed. “Sweetheart, it was just a dream. You stopped it, remember? You called it off. Come on, look at me.” Magnus reached over and placed his hand on Alec’s shoulder.

Alec shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. Alexander, how often do you think about this?”

Alec gave a half-hearted shrug but didn’t answer.

Magnus wanted to gather Alec in his arms and love away the pain, but he knew it was too soon. “I wish you felt as if you could come to me.”

“How could I? You begged me to believe you, and I didn’t. There’s no way you should be trying to comfort me.”

“We’re in this together, Alec.”

“No, we’re not. You … suffered. You…”

“So, you feel it’s not equal if you’re not punished?” Magnus asked as he tried to understand what Alec was saying. “Well, I can’t do that.” He had given this much thought. How could he not? That time in the Institute. The agony rune. Alec not believing him. He’d spent countless hours inside his head, trying to sort out his feelings. It had been painful, but he wasn’t going to allow Valentine to take any more from him.

“Magnus.”

“No. You seem to think your role in this whole mess is unforgivable. I’m not naïve, Alexander. I’ve given this a lot of thought. And yes, I did wonder how this would affect our relationship, if I could still be with you.” He felt Alec tense up, and he moved his hand to grip his arm so he wouldn’t pull away. “I thought about it, and I came to the inevitable conclusion that I absolutely need you by my side. This was an unfortunate incident involving magic, a greater demon, and Valentine. You took the necessary precautions, and when it mattered, you came through for me.” Magnus watched as tears streamed from Alec’s closed eyes.

"I’m sorry.”

Magnus pulled Alec into his arms and was relieved when Alec didn’t fight him. “Alexander, couples endure hard times. It’s how we manage them that makes or breaks us.”

Alec’s tears had stopped, and he allowed Magnus to settle him against his chest and hold him close. Magnus knew from experience that these feelings wouldn’t just go away, but at least Alec had talked to him. It wasn’t perfect, but it was progress.


End file.
